One year ago today I experienced so many emotions in one day than I ever thought possible. We had our second baby and it was a BOY! So excited to meet our newest member and to be able to give our daughter a sibling, we were on top of the world.
For about an hour and a half.
Because then the nurses and doctors noticed he was having trouble breathing. While I was being settled into my postpartum room, they rushed him down the hall to the NICU with my husband right behind them.
Hudson was born 3 weeks early and his lungs weren’t quite ready for the world. He had to have a machine blow oxygen into his lungs to keep them inflated so it was easier for him to breathe. They didn’t know what was wrong at first, so he had IV and arterial lines, antibiotics and multiple wires to test his oxygen level, temperature and heart rate.
Not only were we dealing with the emotions of having a sick child, I was also postpartum….which any mom can tell you is a hormonal train wreck even when things are going fabulous. I couldn’t see out of my left eye the next day…it had swollen shut from all my crying and extra fluid from my IV. Because I worked at the delivery unit there, I managed to squeeze an extra day on the postpartum unit, but 3 days after he was born I had to leave the hospital without my baby.
His lungs grew quickly and he adapted to life off the machines easily, with little backsliding…everyday a new milestone was reached and that helped my emotional state…he was only there a week but it was the longest week of my life.
I now have a new appreciation for the families that go through months and months of watching their tiny babies grow in an incubator or who have to make repeated trips and stays at the hospital. I thought I understood before but I had no idea. Until you’ve lived it, there is no way to describe it. It has taken me this whole year to actually be able to think about this without crying or pushing it out of my mind, because I don’t want to relive it anymore than I have to. It was awful, but we got through it and now….
My baby is ONE!!!
He is a big, healthy boy who is the sweetest thing I have ever met. He is quick to laugh and smile at everything and adores his big sister. Hudson is crawling all over our house and is currently mastering the stairs…not yet walking or climbing yet, and I thank my lucky stars, as it will come soon enough! I am grateful everyday for my kids and that they are happy, healthy babies…even when they are talking back or throwing food on the floor.
I’m sitting here trying to write thank you notes to all the wonderful staff at the PLC for taking care of my baby…how do you put into words that what they said and did meant the world?
Thank you isn’t enough…it isn’t nearly enough.
I recently read that book that everyone is talking about “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch…sooo good..there is a reason why people are talking!
And in it at one point he’s talking about his premature son and the staff that took care of him. I cried. He put into words exactly what we felt… “…they did a wonderful job of simultaneously communicating two dissonant things. In so many words, they told parents that 1)Your child is special and we understand that his medical needs are unique, and 2) Don’t worry, we’ve had a million babies like yours come through here.”
That was it…that’s exactly how we felt.
We wanted to know that they knew that they were taking care of our whole world and yet, wanted to know that they’ve seen this a million times and it was just a routine day for them.